The Abuja ‘Fakers’

Fake people hate honesty. It’s the lies that keep them feeling good about themselves and their lives. So share your true feelings about their actions and watch how they fade away.

Author Unknown

Abuja is a beautiful city, filled with hopes and promises. Many young people upon graduating from the university will want to have their mandatory one year National Youth Service in Abuja. Ask them why Abuja? You will get a myriad of replies, “I love the city”, “free money” and very lame reasons for choosing the city other than they want to improve their worth.

I have lived in this city for over a decade and have come in contact with people who from their look you know that they are just fake.

Why drive the latest car when you don’t even have a decent accommodation? I met a guy Anozie. He was dashing; your prince charming with his wonder-on-wheels. You can never hear him invite you to his house or have friends come over to his house and the reason is not far-fetched. Anozie is homeless. He practically lives in his car. The boot of his car serves as his wardrobe, shoe rack, bathroom cabinet and probably his refrigerator. You may want to ask where he gets cleaned up, right? Well, he goes to a hotel or any of the shopping malls around town to groom himself in the men’s room. He then bathes himself with expensive fragrance and pronto, Prince Charming is ready and the ladies will be drooling. Don’t be fooled, he is broke to the bones and only gets to eat good meals when he attends all the free conferences that are always coming up. He thinks he is living the good life as he goes about milking girls who are only too eager to have him as their heaven-sent groom.

Tina was one lady I know who lived the fake life but you dare not talk her out of it as she day-dreams of hitting it big in the city anytime soon. She walks into a place and wants to be noticed at all cost. She starts speaking from her nose and you wonder if that how she had lived her whole life in Trump’s homeland. I never knew Tina could speak Yoruba – her native tongue – until the day her mother called. ‘Oyinbo‘ Tina was more fluent than the Iyalojas you see in the market. To say I was shocked is an understatement. Then I got a better shocker when I heard her speak in pidgin. I was stepping out of the office and lo and behold, Tina was haggling with a cab man by the gate pleading with him in pidgin. You need to hear how freely and sweetly it came out of her mouth and I enjoyed every bit of her at that moment as she was her real self. I just wondered why she was always forming the Oyinbo accent as that was way unreal coming out of her mouth. No matter how she tried to form being an ‘ajebo’, it just did not go well or suit her one bit.

Tina then performed her worst act and I was a witness to it and this is what I wish to term ”the last straw that broke the camel’s back”. A friend to our colleague, George, came in and wanted to give us a treat and after many deliberations, everyone opted to have shawarma for lunch. Then Tina stepped into the office and being the ‘ajebo’ she acts out, George asked her if she would care for a shawarma too and guess what she replied? “No thanks, I don’t take alcoholic drinks”. The burst of laughter in the office still rings in my head till date. It’s been over two years since this incident and Tina still lives in her dream land.